STOP everything! Selena Gomez & Taylor Swift Worked Out Together

According to ETOnline, Selena Gomez & Taylor Swift came out of Body by Simone "sweaty" but still looking "flawless." Let's get one thing straight - Taylor Swift most definitely does not need to be going to these classes. Girlfriend looks like a Paper Doll standing up. 

There is one thing that we can get out of this, though...

TSwift and Selena both have to have their eyebrows penciled in as well. 

Long live the eyebrow pencil, hopefully short live Tay's side bangs.

90s Songs You Didn't Know Were About F*cked Up Stuff

The 90s were a time of our teenage angst and (ugh) puberty. There were songs that we used to jam out to that we didn't even know were about real life issues/fucked up shit that we'd never heard of. 

Case in point:

Third-Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

I remember when my brother was like six or seven he used to rock the fuck out to this song. I don't blame him one bit, catchy beat and lyrics that go pretty fast so you can pull off not fully knowing what they are. A few years ago, we were listening to it and he said "did you know this song is about crystal meth?" I started looking up the lyrics and realized it talked about wayyyy too many things that a 7 year old should not be singing.

"She comes round and she goes down on me" - A nice way of saying "she comes over and sucks my dick." 

"Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break" - I mean this doesn't even try to sugar coat talking about crystal meth. My only knowledge of crystal meth is that Walter White cooked it and that usually people pick their faces off when they're on it. Not really something I'd like to mess around with.

"And then I bumped up/I took the hit that I was given/then I bumped again/And then I bumped again/How do I get back to the place where I fell asleep inside you?" - So we got two things going on here. Cocaine and falling asleep inside of a girl. Bumps, sex, and sleep-sex... Sounds like a typical Saturday night after Royale. 

Doo doo doo doo da doo doo

Ben Folds Five - Brick 

I used to listen to this song when I was sad. It reminded me of a cold, rainy day for whatever reason. Oh ya know probably because it's about a freezing day after Christmas & a guy driving his girlfriend to get an abortion! 

"They call her name at 7:30

I pace around the parking lot

Then I walk down, to buy her flowers

And sell some gifts that I got"

So so depressing. The guy had to sell his Christmas presents to fund his girlfriend's abortion. What's even more depressing? They both kind of hate each other afterwards.

"Driving back to her apartment

And for the moment we're alone

But she's alone

And I'm alone

And now we know it"

This song is indirect but Ben of Ben Folds Five has been pretty open and honest on what it's about. 

Verve Pipe - The Freshmen

Another song that I used to always listen to and still love. Similar to "Brick," Verve Pipe's "The Freshmen" is about abortion... but this song takes it one step further. 

"Now I'm guilt-stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor

Stoppin' baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, no"

This is much less indirect than "Brick." Stopping a baby's breath is just straight up mentioning the abortion. Alas, it gets worse/sadder.

"My best friend took a week's worth vacation to forget her

His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept 

And now he's guilt-stricken, sobbing with his head on the floor

Thinks about her now and how he never really wept, he says"

Again, an abortion tearing a couple apart, but in a much more drastic way. Instead of being able to deal with getting an abortion, the boy goes on vacation and the girl kills herself. Now he feels even more guilt and she's gone. Nothing light about this.

While we were dealing with how to sort our AIM buddy lists, it would appear that 90s rockers were dealing with drugs, abortions, and suicides. Happy Friday!!

What is Kefir Beer & Should We Be Drinking It?

According to a recent study, there are potentially some major health benefits to a type of beer called Kefir. Kefir beer is made from fermented milk (ew) and resembles yogurt (ew again). This new study which was conducted on rats showed that it greatly decreased inflammatory levels in the rats and almost completely eliminated ulcers. 

While these are all great things, unless you're a rat, have inflammatory issues, or major ulcers, you should most definitely not be drinking Kefir beer. Also, this study is "very preliminary," meaning, the scientists most likely don't know what the fuck they're talking about it.

Bottom line - avoid this milk/yogurt like drink and pick up a glass of red. After all, the studies on red wine are a little more developed and won't leave you feeling like a kefir heffer.


Kefir Source

Shows to Watch with your S.O. (or by yourself too)

Agreeing upon shows to watch with your boyfriend can be a never-ending battle. If you have a nice boy, he'll suffer through hours of Nashville just because he knows how much you love it. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. This list of shows will keep both you & your man happy and entertained.

 The Leftovers (HBO) 

The second season of HBO's The Leftovers just ended, so if you haven't started it you have between now and October-ish to watch the first two seasons. Season 1 takes place in the made up town of Mapelton, NY. The world is shook on October 14, 2011 when 2% of the world's population suddenly disappear. The day comes to be known as "The Departure." Instead of focusing on what happened to the people who disappeared, the show focuses on the people left on Earth and how they are dealing with it. Season 2 takes place in the town of Miracle, Texas, a place where there were no Departures on October 14, 2011. The place was renamed miracle from Jardin and thousands of people are desperate to move there because they think it is a safe space. There is mystery, excitement, sex, violence, and some slight humor in this show. Plus you get to see Justin Theroux shirtless and Liv Tyler get beat up a lot so that's a win-win. 

Mr. Robot (USA) 

When someone first told me to watch this show, my immediate response back was "NOPE!" I am so not into robots and was extremely turned off by the fact that this was a name of a show. BUT after doing a little research about what it was actually about, I decided to give it a shot. The show surrounds genius hacker Elliot and his complicated life. He's a drug addict, a schizophrenic, and has an IQ of about a billion so you can imagine that he's got a lot of shit going on. The show has crazy twists and awesome cinematography and it'll keep you on the edge of your seat. You'll have major hair/skin envy of Angela and develop a sneaky crush on Elliot. You and your boo can bond over the mind-blowing twists that this series offers. 

American Crime (ABC)

I wasn't lucky enough to catch the buzz of American Crime's first season (can't seem to find it anywhere), but Season 2 just kicked off last week and I am already hooked. Fortunately, season 1 and 2 are completely different story lines (think The Awakening, American Horror Story), so there is no need to play catch up. Season 2 is about an elite private school with a championship basketball team. At one of the team's party's, a not-so-popular kid was drugged and raped by at least 1 or more members of the team. As we know from Gossip Girl, elite private schools will do almost anything to try to hide a scandal, so watching the boy's mother try to do anything to get justice for her son is heart-wrenching. Everyone loves a good crime show & this one will keep you both happy.

The Challenge: Bloodlines (MTV)

If you're not watching The Challenge: Bloodlines on MTV you are seriously missing out and I don't want to know you. The Challenge is fun to watch with your boy because you guys can laugh at the hilarious antics of all the cast members and root for whatever team you want to win. Yes, The Challenge has been on forever and we are confused about wtf Bananas and Aneesa do for a living when they aren't competing on Challenges. This season, the crazies are in Turkey and had to bring along a family member to team up with (or so they thought). A few episodes in, TJ drops a bomb that the family members will now be split up. There are drunk fights, sober fights, hook ups, and people doing crazy things for a chance to win $300,000. Maybe I'm crazy, but that does not seem like enough money for me to eat cockroaches and almost die from scaling buildings. P.S. Abe is the reason I have nightmares

How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions (for more than a month)

January 4, 2016

The few days after New Year's Eve go hand in hand with feelings of shame, feeling of hope for the upcoming year, and a hangover or two. Most people head into the New Year with resolutions and end up breaking them as soon as someone at the bar yells "SHOTS!"

Here's a realistic way to keep/maintain your resolutions for 2016.

1. Write it Down - Write that shit down in as many places as you can. Anywhere that you can, list your goals and when/why you want to achieve them. This way, instead of tucking it away in a notebook, you can visually see your goals listed in places that you look every day. 

2. Avoid Words Like Never, Always, Ever, Etc. - Realize that you can't completely change overnight. By using words such as Never, Always, Ever, etc. you are setting yourself up for failure. Instead of listing STOP blacking out completely as your goal, change it to a more realistic "less frequent blackouts." 

3. Be Realistic - There is nothing worse than setting yourself up for failure. A great way to avoid this is to be realistic. It's great to be ambitious, but like I said before, realize you can't completely change over night. The best part about this is that you can re-evaluate in a few months or at the halfway mark. If something isn't working, change the goal - don't give up on it! 

4. Grab a Friend - Buddy Up! By hanging with someone with similar goals for the year, you'll be able to motivate each other. It's important for friends to understand that you aren't being a bitch because you don't want to go out to dinner, but that you're trying to save and still love them lots. A buddy is important because on days when you literally can't even, they'll tell you to step it the fuck up. What if there's a day when you're both not into it? Go for a walk together instead or go grab some juice/green tea so that you don't feel guilty. 

5. Reward Yourself - When you reach certain milestones, give yourself a pat on the back and also treat yo' self. Resolutions aren't about limiting yourself, they are about making you a better person. If your goal is to go to x number of workout classes per week, reward yourself at the 10 week mark or so with a massage, new pair of (smaller sized) lulus, or an extra glass of wine. This will make you realize that your hard work is worth it.

5 People You'll Meet at Work

December 9, 2015

Everyone knows that work is a part of life. Unfortunately, most jobs involve being in an office with real humans - most of whom you want little to nothing to do with.

Here are the 5 people that you're likely to encounter in your office:

1. The Talker/Oversharer - Do you want to know what this person's husband had for breakfast? No? Great! Because they're gonna fucking tell you anyways. Getting cornered in the kitchen by this person is the worst. The only good thing is that they help you reach your goal of doing literally nothing productive for about an hour.

2. The Know-It-All - Whether this person has worked there for a week or 15 years, they're gonna tell you everything about the business. They'll send passive aggressive emails, read-receipts, and won't shut up about their productivity levels. No fucking thanks.

3. The Hoarder - The second anyone puts out free shit, they take all of it. They probably don't even like cookies, but they take 50 of them and keep them at their desk. Need some binder clips? Good luck finding them because this person has them all at their desk. You would think that they were squirreling stuff away for a freaking storm if you ever opened any of their drawers.

4. Office Friend - Finding this person is like finding a unicorn. Once you find them, keep them close because they're most likely your only ally in the building. The key to finding this person is a common interest or hating the same thing/person. You guys can laugh about the Talker together. Bad news - even though you see this person more than your real friends, you're most likely not gonna get an invite to their wedding. Good news - you wouldn't know anyone there anyways.

5. The Annoying Habit Person - This is the absolute worst. Whether it's someone who sighs a lot, clears their throat often, talks on personal calls loudly, or chews for everyone to hear, this person will drive you right up a fucking wall. If you have HR, report their annoying behavior ASAP so that hopefully it'll stop. I don't think you can really report for sighing though *sighs*

WHERE TF IS ROB KARDASHIAN?!

December 2, 2015


Here's a question that has been lingering on my mind since about May 2014... Where the f*ck is Rob Kardashian?

Since Kim & Kanye's wedding in May 2014 he has been seen in public TWO times. While this feat is impressive, especially in such a public family, this is a little frightening.

I know that the break up with Adrienne was tough on him, but they broke up over 4 years ago. There's gotta be something more to this and I'm planning on making it my life's duty to make sure he is well. In the meantime, here are some things that I think could help Bobby out a lot:

1. Xanax - These will help Rob sleep and calm his nerves when the paparazzi is trying to snap the latest picture of him. He'll be chill as f*ck and maybe he can stop regretting the tattoo of Adrienne's name he has.

2. Instagram - Rob needs to start Instagramming the shit out of his life. Not a lot makes me feel better than a bunch of likes on my picture of my green juice. Likes = justification, justification = self confidence. And the best part is, he'll have so many followers he won't have to worry about getting less than 1,000 likes on any pic.

3. Adderall - Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? So true and one way to drop some lbs. fast is to not eat and be super productive. What a way to kill 2 birds with one stone.. or 2 pounds with one adderall.

With these 3 things and a little effort - Rob will be back in action in no time. 

xo