Competitive Yoga aka Stretching for Stats

Champions of Zen? is a new-ish form of yoga in which contestants compete for a period of 3 minutes and have to complete 6 poses, each being held for at least 3 seconds. Yoga has given us a lot of really nice things, i.e. yoga pants, detoxing in hot yoga or Bikram, and looking trendy AF walking down the street with your yoga mat strapped to you. Positions are based on a 10-point scale, meaning the highest you can get is a 60. The pretentious yogi judges have not given anyone anything higher than a 42 yet.

While I love a good competition (check me on the torq board at Flywheel) this "competitive yoga" is a total oxymoron. The only reason I go to yoga is so that I can tell my doctor I'm trying things to "relax" more so he'll up my Xanax prescription. While the experts are comparing it to the likes of Crossfit, going to church, singing in a choir, etc. to me it seems more like Scientology, the Manson family, or Waco in 1993. It is basically gymnastics without the sick floor routines and the freakishly athletic gymnasts. 

I'm picturing something similar to the walk off in Zoolander and I don't think I'm wrong. 

It's taken me 25 years to learn how to touch my toes and a basement full of people stretching pretty much in the nude makes me v v uncomfortable. I hope this "trend" stays underground where it belongs. The only competition I'm entering in is a champagne off on Sundays.

Spring Shoes You Need In Your Life

Since it's been feeling like Spring, it's a good time to talk about how to deal with the transition from boots to sandals. It's an awkward transition and difficult to keep track of what's appropriate.. can you wear spring booties in 70 degree weather? I mean, you could, but your feet will most likely ended up sweaty and smelly. Is it ok to wear your Rainbows when it's 40 degrees and raining? Definitely not.

Luckily.. there are shoes for all types of weather to make you look season-appropriate without looking like a dick.

Valentino "Rockstud" Ballet Flats for $745 these bad boys can be yours. The nude color makes them wearable in the spring/summer and the studs add an extra edge to your outfit. If you don't feel like dropping half your rent on a pair, there are cheaper options at Charlotte Russe (super cheap) or Halogen.

Jeffrey Campbell 'Atsuko' Lace Up Flats - These suede-y beauties are only around $100.00. There are a million other versions because this is one of the major spring shoe fashion trends for 2016. The lace-up effect makes your foot appear narrower aka more lady-like. Unfortunately, if you have cankles, these are probably not the best look. BUT paired with a romper or ankle pants these shoes are classy without being boring. 

BP. Slingback Peep Toe Wedge - An almost full coverage wedge is the perfect way to transition from booties to sandals. The peep toe lets you show off your pedicure and people don't have to see your pasty foot.


Chuck Taylor All Star Iridescent Brea - Darties and Sunday Fundays are difficult to dress for. You want to look cute but also want to look like you DGAF. Chuck Taylors allow you to do so and are not fugly sneaks that make you look like you're modeling Sketchers 'shape ups.' This iridescent pattern is spring-like and fresh, unlike the all white's that you have to worry about the dirt and grime that come from an all day soiree.


Steve Madden 'Excel' Slip-On Sneaker - Another way to approach the next roof deck party is with slip-on sneakers. While normally these make me think of geriatric patients, many shoe companies are finding ways to make them cute & comfortable. The faux leather and crochet-like detail on the Steve Maddens make the shoe stylish. TheseBetsey Johnson 'SB-EVE' slip-ons are another fun way to put some slip-ons on. Who doesn't love Gold Glitter?

While you're working on grooming your pedis for sandal season, all of these options will take you from winter to spring to summer in the most stylish fashion.

My Favorite Kardashian Admits Blac Chyna Has Turned Him Against His Family

Sweet dreams are made of Rob. Bobby has decided to continue on his journey towards completely sabotaging his relationship with his family. In his latest Instagram post, Rob posted "When the pussy so good but your family don't like her so you drop your family and become an orphan (insert 3 smiley faces)" and a caption of 2 crying face emojis. 

There is no shame in Rob's game and I absolutely love it. If Kendall or Kylie even think about posting a photo or a tweet with bad lighting, Mama Kris has her PR team all over it faster than you can screenshot a SnapChat. On the other hand, Rob leaves this up with no sign of taking down. Snaps for Rob. 

P.S. I gotta know what Blac Chyna's doing so well to be making people want to abandon their families.

P.P.S. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a plotline on KUWTK where they stage an intervention with Rob and the whole family makes up while Kourtney and Scott get married.

Rihanna's "Higher" On Repeat

Rihanna's new album Anti is crazy good. Mostly slow jams with a few songs like "Work" mixed in. Far and away, the best song on the album is "Higher." It's soulful and kind of angry but still fun.

I can't stop listening and get excited whenever I start hearing her singing "this whiskey got me feeling pretty" 

It makes me want to bust out that bottle of whiskey I bought almost 2 years ago and jam out. Whiskey doesn't go bad, right?

Only complaint? The song is only two minutes and leaves me wanting more.

Rihanna > Beyonce

A "Possible" Benson-Stabler Reunion Has Me Feeling Some Type of Way

Benson-Stabler Reunion

Almost everyone is at least a casual fan of SVU. It's one of those shows that is literally always on & even if you've seen the episode you almost always forget how the episode went until 52 minutes in when you're like "ohhhhh yeah, the brother killed the mom because he was in love with the dad." 

When Stabler (Chris Meloni) abruptly left the show after the 12th season I was confused, unsatisfied, and wanted him back. I'm sure Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay) was feeling the same way. They were the ultimate detective duo who supported each other both on and off duty. Their sexual tension level was on a milli and they never even kissed on the show. 

I thought for sure something was gonna happen when O was checking up on Stabes while he was undercover and had to pretend that they had just fucked. 

Stabler is legit the ultimate man with his rockin' bod, hot temper, and sneaky soft side. Following their relationship was like watching an office flirtation, but with better-looking people in dominant roles. 

Apparently, Stabler left because of contract negotiations with NBC (kinda selfish). This meant that his character was not given a proper goodbye and him and Olivia never got to relieve their palpable sexual tension. 

Since his departure, Olivia has been promoted, had a failed relationship, adopted a child, and been held hostage/kidnapped multiple times. The only person who has stayed faithful to her is Iced-T, who's character is turning out to be a lazy man-child. 

Stabler needs to be her knight in shining armor and return for at least one episode of the final season next year. I'm sure his 4-5 kids are all grown up now and I doubt his marriage to Kathy stayed in tact (the Unstablers is more like it), this makes him a perfect candidate to be the one guy to finally lock Olivia down. They could rekindle the flame after she calls him to help with a case similar to an old one that they worked on, sparking romantic feelings. Noah could use a father and Olivia could use a dick so if NBC doesn't make this happen I'll cry.

P.S. Not really sure what Christopher Meloni has been up to since the show besides appearing in a few episodes of True Blood. All I know is if his bod still looks like this I'll be in cable-tv heaven.

Neutral Nails: Definite Do

Whether you're an at home manicurist or have your nail tech on speed dial, choosing the perfect nail color is a major, two-week commitment. French tips are very 2005 and bold colors should be reserved for special occasions and rave-goers. 
A non-boring neutral is clutch to looking polished & trendy. 

Perfectly Picked (Essie): 

This cross between tan and brown will go with any outfit and still gives a pop that makes it noticeable that you're wearing something on your fingers. If it chips nobody will really notice until you go home and can re-apply. 

Iceberg Gray (Formula X): 

I am more than obsessed with the look of light gray nails. They're different and perfect for this time of year when you're SAD is kicking in hard. Looks great on all skin tones & will be sure to get a ton of compliments

Nude Stilettos (Butter London): 

With a touch of pink and a lot of nude, this is a color you can't go wrong with. If there's a reason you can justify the 10 different nude heels in your closet, you can easily justify rocking this color.

She Wolf (Deborah Lippman): 

If you want something with a little extra pop that's not too in-your-face, this is the perfect color. It's taupe shade will be noticeable on your nails, without distracting from whatever it is you're presenting, typing, holding. Looks perfect wrapped around a Starbucks Americano.

Four gorgeous shades that will keep you looking fresh every season. Whoever said neutrals were boring obviously had no sense of style.

Zika Virus: To Be Nervous or Not To Be

In 2014, we were all scared as shit about Ebola. Massive amounts of people in Africa died from Ebola and a few people in the U.S. did as well. This year, the latest viral virus taking over the news is Zika. I normally don't let myself get too hyped up about things like this (the less you know the better), but it's good to be a little informed if you want to know what to be afraid of and/or how to sound like you know what you're talking about when you're telling everyone "not to be worried."

Where's it come from?

Similar to the West Nile Virus and yellow fever, Zika comes from those annoying fuckers called mosquitoes. The virus gets its name from the Zika Forest in Uganda where it was first isolated in 1947. Until 2016, Zika was typically only a problem along the equator (aka the disease strip) in Asia & Africa. 

Why now?

The virus started getting out of control in April 2015 in Brazil and began spreading to the other countries in South/Central America and the Caribbeans. Researchers on the strain of the virus believe it came from French Polynesia during the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Yesterday, the World Health Organization (WHO) declared it an international health concern, so naturally everyone is talking about it. It has officially entered the U.S. (mainly in the southeast, think *swamp land*) and is now getting people extra nervous.

How do you get it? 

Asian Tiger Mosquitoes are the major carrier of the Zika virus. If a person is bit by one of these blood suckers carrying the virus, he/she is likely to get it. It can also be passed on by a pregnant to her child.

Symptoms???

Only about 1 in 5 people infected with the virus get sick. Good news! You could have it & not even know!! Symptoms include fever, rash, joint pain, and conjunctivitis (ew). These are basically all the symptoms that a hungover person feels waking up in a random's apartment.

Should We Be Scared? 

For the most part, nope. Since the virus is mainly found in swampy, warm areas, we up here in the Northeast don't have much to worry about. We can be thankful for the chilly weather and its ability to be a place where mosquitoes don't want to live. 

So for now just continue Web MD'ing your symptoms until you've convinced yourself you have the disease and use it as an excuse to see your doctor to refill your adderall prescriptions.

Does Cleveland Browns' Statement Mean Johnny Manziel Has To Stop Partying???

The Cleveland Browns just issued this statement about the status of Johnny Manziel's career with the team. Career is an overstatement and the answer is NO. Johnny Manziel does not need to stop partying. 

Johnny gained fame by being the first freshman to win the Heisman Trophy with Texas A&M. Since then he's been blast into the spotlight, partying with Drake and other celebs and dating/doing Instagram models. Johnny has started/played in a limited number of games during his "career" with the Browns. If anything, he has given the team more publicity with people tuning in to see if he'll play, let alone if he'll show up/be sober. 

Last year, Johnny did a stint in rehab in an attempt to clean up his act. Clearly this did not work because this season he's still been partying his ass off. 

Johnny does not need to stop partying. What he needs to do is give up the NFL dream (his skills do not translate to pro level) and make partying his professional career. 

Here's what Johnny's life timeline should be like:

2016- Retire from the NFL. Nothing better than quitting before you can get fired. 

2016/2017- Attempt to be a college football analyst

2017- Start "hosting" Vegas parties a la Scott Disick. Get paid to party? Yup!

2020- Go on celebrity Big Brother.. get his name back out there and let everyone see that he's still the hot mess that they know and love

2023- Get a DUI. No such thing as bad publicity, gotta keep the name out there.

2024- Go on celebrity Rehab. Have a few relapses, eventually sober up.

2026- Marry a yoga instructor and start working on owning a spiritual/rehab retreat.

If Johnny follows the above steps, he'll be able to maintain his party boy status for the next 9 years or so and then become rich off of "healing" people. #you'rewelcome in advance baby boy.

Article About Ways Companies Can Attract Female Employees Makes About 50% Sense

This article called "5 Ways Companies Can Attract More Women Aside From Freezing Their Eggs" came to fruition after Facebook & Apple offered to freeze female employees' eggs (up to $20,000) for non-medical reasons. The companies pitch this as something that is beneficial for employees looking to use surrogates, fertility treatments, etc. but it really looks like a way to keep female employees working hard while they're young & have energy to work 20+ hour days. That way their yolks can be frozen until someone younger with higher energy can come in and replace them. 

The article points out other ways to attract more female employees, instead of just letting them freeze their eggs & work their butts off until their ready to defrost. While some advice the article make sense, the majority of them are just common sense tools that most HR departments should be aware of when trying to attract any employee (male or female).

Advice #1: Flexible Schedules
Newsflash: This isn't a way to attract female employees, but a way to attract employees all around. I'm 100% into the idea that as long as you get all of your work done in a timely manner, you shouldn't have to stick to a "schedule." Example: You're a morning person? Come in at 7, work til 3-4, check emails again at 6 or so and you're golden. Night person? Come in 10-7. 
Doctors offices and places like the DMV are only open during regular business hours. If you're on a typical schedule you have to take a half day or a full day just to get some of your life shit done. Flexibility is key (until people take advantage of it).

Advice #2: Women in Leadership Positions
If women want to be treated equally in the workplace, this "advice" shouldn't exist. The only people in leadership positions should be the people that deserve to be there. Leadership = Experience x Drive x Opportunity.

Advice #3: Offer Paternity Leave
Let's just make sure that the kid is taken care of and that neither parent is feeling overwhelmed/overworked. If a mom only wants to take 2 weeks maternity leave, let her. If a dad wants to take a couple weeks, let him. Not really sure this classifies as advice, more just common sense.

Advice #4: Excising Sexism in the Workplace 
Pretty sure this is never going to 100% happen, so companies shouldn't use it as a selling point on attracting employees. Attractive, well-spoken people get ahead. Not saying you need to look like Bradley Cooper or Jennifer Aniston, just be put together and know how to hold a conversation with everyone from the CEO to the Janitor. 

Advice #5: Let Women Empower Company Culture
Eh, this is totally company/industry based. I know plenty of girls that get free manicures or samples from their advertising or fashion companies. Everyone likes free food and booze. Boom. Culture complete. 


Tbqh, the reason that this inequality or inability to attract female employees in the workplace exists is that most women are too timid to negotiate salaries and benefits. A course should be given to "career-oriented" women on how to get the most out of your job offers and how to continue to grow (financially and professionally). Actually - that could be a million dollar idea, I'm gonna go timidly pitch it to a dominant female who can actually implement it.