Competitive Yoga aka Stretching for Stats

Champions of Zen? is a new-ish form of yoga in which contestants compete for a period of 3 minutes and have to complete 6 poses, each being held for at least 3 seconds. Yoga has given us a lot of really nice things, i.e. yoga pants, detoxing in hot yoga or Bikram, and looking trendy AF walking down the street with your yoga mat strapped to you. Positions are based on a 10-point scale, meaning the highest you can get is a 60. The pretentious yogi judges have not given anyone anything higher than a 42 yet.

While I love a good competition (check me on the torq board at Flywheel) this "competitive yoga" is a total oxymoron. The only reason I go to yoga is so that I can tell my doctor I'm trying things to "relax" more so he'll up my Xanax prescription. While the experts are comparing it to the likes of Crossfit, going to church, singing in a choir, etc. to me it seems more like Scientology, the Manson family, or Waco in 1993. It is basically gymnastics without the sick floor routines and the freakishly athletic gymnasts. 

I'm picturing something similar to the walk off in Zoolander and I don't think I'm wrong. 

It's taken me 25 years to learn how to touch my toes and a basement full of people stretching pretty much in the nude makes me v v uncomfortable. I hope this "trend" stays underground where it belongs. The only competition I'm entering in is a champagne off on Sundays.