Craigslist Post: Girl Wants "Virtually Invisible" Housemate

Seeking room in quiet apartment with virtually invisible housemate
I'm a 38-year-old female with PTSD symptoms who writes a lot, is a homebody, and is in search of privacy, silence, and solitude in a living space that is up-to-code (I've found that that doesn't go without saying in Boston). I prefer to live alone, and have in the past, but can no longer afford to do so, and am therefore also seeking a neat, clean, mature housemate, preferably male, with a consistent, predictable schedule and needs like mine, with whom to share an apartment, condo, or upper floor of a house. I prefer to be on the top floor of the building because the sound of people living above me and the inability to see the sky from my window makes me feel claustrophobic.

Specifically, I'm looking for someone who is willing to commit to an approximate schedule for showering and preparing meals, so that we can avoid being in each other's way. Someone who never has guests. Someone who doesn't talk on the phone. Someone who agrees with me that if a door has a lock on it, it should remain closed and locked. And someone who's conscientious about energy usage -- who doesn't leave the heat turned up so high that I break a sweat when wearing a sweater in my room in January, and who doesn't turn it off altogether either. (I currently live in Allston, with one housemate who's an undergrad and another in his early twenties, who treat our ground-floor apartment like it's a barn. This includes walking around in dress shoes on our uncarpeted hardwood floors. The noise, grime, and chaos are affecting my health and productivity.) 

If you're rarely at home and fit the preceding description, we might work well together. If you're bothered by noise, such as people talking loudly on their cell phones, the clicking of keyboard keys, or chatter from a TV, and never have company, we'd probably make good housemates. If you prefer to come home from work and spend the evening relaxing in solitude and silence, and your ideal living situation is one in which you never see or hear your housemate, we'd probably be content living together.

Any location in greater Boston is acceptable, as long as it's within walking distance of a bus route or MBTA station.

While I like animals, I don't want to live with someone who has any pets because I don't want to get stuck cleaning up after or otherwise taking care of them.

If you're seeking a housemate and can relate to this ad, please contact me so we can arrange to meet and discuss a living arrangement.

There's nowhere to even begin with this Craigslist posting. While I give this chick credit for being extremely thorough, she is definitely a murderer. 
"In search of privacy, silence, and solitude in a living space that is up-to-code (I've found that doesn't go without saying in Boston). I prefer to live alone, and have in the past but can no longer afford to do so...."
Listen girl, there is no such thing as complete privacy, silence, and solitude in a place THAT YOU ARE LIVING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. If you can't afford to live alone, but want to live with someone who barely breathes.. Move the fuck in with someone like Helen Keller (although HK was kind of a needy bitch). 
An approximate schedule? Have you ever heard of "last minute plans" or "I need to make food quickly?" That is how the majority of people live their lives. Prefer a male (most likely so you can rape them)? Never has guests? Doesn't talk on the phone? Keeps the temp at *your* perfect temperature? Rarely home? 
How can someone "rarely be home," but doesn't have friends that he or she invites over? 
Her health and productivity is being affected by being around other humans? What type of job could this girl possibly do? Also, how boring/scary does her life sound? I'm picturing someone sitting in a dark room (to conserve energy) staring out the window in her room looking at the sky? 

God help whoever moves in with this lady and God help her current roomies (she definitely has voodoo dolls of them).


P.S. I really want to know what she looks like..