Thursday, January 28, 2016

Barbie's Got Some New Looks and I'm Not Sure What To Feel


Your favorite bitch on the block, Barbie has gotten some new, politically correct "friends."
Mattel has created the "Fashionista Line" that includes a wide array of ladies. They represent a number of body types & diversities, so let's take a look at the new gals in town.

2016_FashionistasLine
First off, there is no way 16 girls would be able to all manage to successfully take a group picture together. Secondly, I find the pairings to be pretty fucking random. The only two that make sense to me are the girl in denim dress with the black girl & the top two good-two-shoes (yellow skirt, yellow necklace).There is no way the curvy, blue-haired girl and the successful-looking black woman would ever be hanging out. The Asian and the petite Latina lady? No way, no how, not ever. 
Because they are supposed to be "individuals" representing all different faces of beauty, they should be treated as such (or in duos/singles bc that's the only way I could find them)

BarbiePetite_Tall
Petite vs. Tall
 I have nothing really to say about Ms. Petite because her top knot is killing it and although I wouldn't wear that outfit, it matches and isn't heinous. Suzie Stilt-legs has got to be Jennifer Lawerence's twin right? I have serious arm envy of her & her faux-hawk is crushing it.
BarbieCurvy_Original
Original vs. Curvy
Not much to be said about the original. My only concern is that she hasn't realized that "bump-its" haven't been in since 2010. Curves is rocking her lady lumps, but the blue hair/purple sunglass combo has got to go. If you're gonna be obnoxious in your fashion statements, stick to one thing only please.

The tall "terrific teal" Barbie doll.
The Tall Ginge
Why anyone thought giving a girl this hair style is beyond me. Her coif is out of control. If I saw someone with this hair on the train, I'd hop off ASAP bc I'd be afraid of the number of squirrels living in it. Her outfit is OK, a little too matchy-matchy and she needs a better bra. Her boobs look saggy & I'm sure that top is not helping.
The petite size "crazy for coral" Barbie doll.
Small, Tan Girl
I'm not sure if this girl is supposed to be 12 or if she's truly reppin' all the petite ladies out there. Her hair/eye color combo is nice, but that dress looks like something I would've purchased at Weathervane.

The original "chic with a wink" Barbie doll.
Asian Lady
Mattel calls this girl "chic with a wink," which is a little offensive towards Azns. If this girl had two small buns & a middle part I'd be buying it more. All she needs is a Hello Kitty backpack and Gwen Stefani will cast her in "Harajuku Girls: Part 2."

So, I'm gonna go dig out my hot pink Barbie limo with the hot tub in the back and pretend I'm popping bottles cruising around Malibu. If you happen to run into the "fashionista" wearing capris, an Ed Hardy shirt, and clog heels, please take her to the nearest store and buy her a new outfit.

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