Article About Ways Companies Can Attract Female Employees Makes About 50% Sense

This article called "5 Ways Companies Can Attract More Women Aside From Freezing Their Eggs" came to fruition after Facebook & Apple offered to freeze female employees' eggs (up to $20,000) for non-medical reasons. The companies pitch this as something that is beneficial for employees looking to use surrogates, fertility treatments, etc. but it really looks like a way to keep female employees working hard while they're young & have energy to work 20+ hour days. That way their yolks can be frozen until someone younger with higher energy can come in and replace them. 

The article points out other ways to attract more female employees, instead of just letting them freeze their eggs & work their butts off until their ready to defrost. While some advice the article make sense, the majority of them are just common sense tools that most HR departments should be aware of when trying to attract any employee (male or female).

Advice #1: Flexible Schedules
Newsflash: This isn't a way to attract female employees, but a way to attract employees all around. I'm 100% into the idea that as long as you get all of your work done in a timely manner, you shouldn't have to stick to a "schedule." Example: You're a morning person? Come in at 7, work til 3-4, check emails again at 6 or so and you're golden. Night person? Come in 10-7. 
Doctors offices and places like the DMV are only open during regular business hours. If you're on a typical schedule you have to take a half day or a full day just to get some of your life shit done. Flexibility is key (until people take advantage of it).

Advice #2: Women in Leadership Positions
If women want to be treated equally in the workplace, this "advice" shouldn't exist. The only people in leadership positions should be the people that deserve to be there. Leadership = Experience x Drive x Opportunity.

Advice #3: Offer Paternity Leave
Let's just make sure that the kid is taken care of and that neither parent is feeling overwhelmed/overworked. If a mom only wants to take 2 weeks maternity leave, let her. If a dad wants to take a couple weeks, let him. Not really sure this classifies as advice, more just common sense.

Advice #4: Excising Sexism in the Workplace 
Pretty sure this is never going to 100% happen, so companies shouldn't use it as a selling point on attracting employees. Attractive, well-spoken people get ahead. Not saying you need to look like Bradley Cooper or Jennifer Aniston, just be put together and know how to hold a conversation with everyone from the CEO to the Janitor. 

Advice #5: Let Women Empower Company Culture
Eh, this is totally company/industry based. I know plenty of girls that get free manicures or samples from their advertising or fashion companies. Everyone likes free food and booze. Boom. Culture complete. 


Tbqh, the reason that this inequality or inability to attract female employees in the workplace exists is that most women are too timid to negotiate salaries and benefits. A course should be given to "career-oriented" women on how to get the most out of your job offers and how to continue to grow (financially and professionally). Actually - that could be a million dollar idea, I'm gonna go timidly pitch it to a dominant female who can actually implement it.

Barbie's Got Some New Looks and I'm Not Sure What To Feel

Your favorite bitch on the block, Barbie has gotten some new, politically correct "friends."

Mattel has created the "Fashionista Line" that includes a wide array of ladies. They represent a number of body types & diversities, so let's take a look at the new gals in town.

First off, there is no way 16 girls would be able to all manage to successfully take a group picture together. Secondly, I find the pairings to be pretty fucking random. The only two that make sense to me are the girl in denim dress with the black girl & the top two good-two-shoes (yellow skirt, yellow necklace).There is no way the curvy, blue-haired girl and the successful-looking black woman would ever be hanging out. The Asian and the petite Latina lady? No way, no how, not ever. 

Because they are supposed to be "individuals" representing all different faces of beauty, they should be treated as such (or in duos/singles bc that's the only way I could find them)

Petite vs. Tall

 I have nothing really to say about Ms. Petite because her top knot is killing it and although I wouldn't wear that outfit, it matches and isn't heinous. Suzie Stilt-legs has got to be Jennifer Lawerence's twin right? I have serious arm envy of her & her faux-hawk is crushing it.

Original vs. Curvy

Not much to be said about the original. My only concern is that she hasn't realized that "bump-its" haven't been in since 2010. Curves is rocking her lady lumps, but the blue hair/purple sunglass combo has got to go. If you're gonna be obnoxious in your fashion statements, stick to one thing only please.

The Tall Ginge

Why anyone thought giving a girl this hair style is beyond me. Her coif is out of control. If I saw someone with this hair on the train, I'd hop off ASAP bc I'd be afraid of the number of squirrels living in it. Her outfit is OK, a little too matchy-matchy and she needs a better bra. Her boobs look saggy & I'm sure that top is not helping.

Small, Tan Girl

I'm not sure if this girl is supposed to be 12 or if she's truly reppin' all the petite ladies out there. Her hair/eye color combo is nice, but that dress looks like something I would've purchased at Weathervane.

Asian Lady

Mattel calls this girl "chic with a wink," which is a little offensive towards Azns. If this girl had two small buns & a middle part I'd be buying it more. All she needs is a Hello Kitty backpack and Gwen Stefani will cast her in "Harajuku Girls: Part 2."

So, I'm gonna go dig out my hot pink Barbie limo with the hot tub in the back and pretend I'm popping bottles cruising around Malibu. If you happen to run into the "fashionista" wearing capris, an Ed Hardy shirt, and clog heels, please take her to the nearest store and buy her a new outfit.

Craigslist Post: Girl Wants "Virtually Invisible" Housemate

Seeking room in quiet apartment with virtually invisible housemate
I'm a 38-year-old female with PTSD symptoms who writes a lot, is a homebody, and is in search of privacy, silence, and solitude in a living space that is up-to-code (I've found that that doesn't go without saying in Boston). I prefer to live alone, and have in the past, but can no longer afford to do so, and am therefore also seeking a neat, clean, mature housemate, preferably male, with a consistent, predictable schedule and needs like mine, with whom to share an apartment, condo, or upper floor of a house. I prefer to be on the top floor of the building because the sound of people living above me and the inability to see the sky from my window makes me feel claustrophobic.

Specifically, I'm looking for someone who is willing to commit to an approximate schedule for showering and preparing meals, so that we can avoid being in each other's way. Someone who never has guests. Someone who doesn't talk on the phone. Someone who agrees with me that if a door has a lock on it, it should remain closed and locked. And someone who's conscientious about energy usage -- who doesn't leave the heat turned up so high that I break a sweat when wearing a sweater in my room in January, and who doesn't turn it off altogether either. (I currently live in Allston, with one housemate who's an undergrad and another in his early twenties, who treat our ground-floor apartment like it's a barn. This includes walking around in dress shoes on our uncarpeted hardwood floors. The noise, grime, and chaos are affecting my health and productivity.) 

If you're rarely at home and fit the preceding description, we might work well together. If you're bothered by noise, such as people talking loudly on their cell phones, the clicking of keyboard keys, or chatter from a TV, and never have company, we'd probably make good housemates. If you prefer to come home from work and spend the evening relaxing in solitude and silence, and your ideal living situation is one in which you never see or hear your housemate, we'd probably be content living together.

Any location in greater Boston is acceptable, as long as it's within walking distance of a bus route or MBTA station.

While I like animals, I don't want to live with someone who has any pets because I don't want to get stuck cleaning up after or otherwise taking care of them.

If you're seeking a housemate and can relate to this ad, please contact me so we can arrange to meet and discuss a living arrangement.

There's nowhere to even begin with this Craigslist posting. While I give this chick credit for being extremely thorough, she is definitely a murderer. 
"In search of privacy, silence, and solitude in a living space that is up-to-code (I've found that doesn't go without saying in Boston). I prefer to live alone, and have in the past but can no longer afford to do so...."
Listen girl, there is no such thing as complete privacy, silence, and solitude in a place THAT YOU ARE LIVING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. If you can't afford to live alone, but want to live with someone who barely breathes.. Move the fuck in with someone like Helen Keller (although HK was kind of a needy bitch). 
An approximate schedule? Have you ever heard of "last minute plans" or "I need to make food quickly?" That is how the majority of people live their lives. Prefer a male (most likely so you can rape them)? Never has guests? Doesn't talk on the phone? Keeps the temp at *your* perfect temperature? Rarely home? 
How can someone "rarely be home," but doesn't have friends that he or she invites over? 
Her health and productivity is being affected by being around other humans? What type of job could this girl possibly do? Also, how boring/scary does her life sound? I'm picturing someone sitting in a dark room (to conserve energy) staring out the window in her room looking at the sky? 

God help whoever moves in with this lady and God help her current roomies (she definitely has voodoo dolls of them).


P.S. I really want to know what she looks like..

Aaron Carter Tries to Stay Relevant By Bashing The Biebs

According to this article from The Huffington Post, Aaron Carter is crying because Justin Bieber's lawyer's mentioned him. Aaron Carter needs to do a LITTLE more fact checking because Biebs' camp did not mention him at all.. the interviewer did. The interviewer asked "How did Justin Bieber not turn into Aaron Carter?" Rather than bashing Aaron, the interview goes on to credit Bieber's faith, family, friends, fans, and formula (his "5 f's"). He discusses how its hard for anyone to handle such a high level of fame at a young age and that Justin definitely has had his fuckboi moments. 

Aaron's response to the article is absurd. He is like "I even tweeted at Justin to tell him that his camp had to approve that question so obviously he knew it was gonna happen, be a man." Justin hasn't responded, most likely because he is too busy FaceTiming Miranda Kerr, texting/subtweeting Selena, and going through the millions of nudes in his DMs. A few months ago, I started following Aaron Carter on twitter when I read that he was having a major twitter meltdown a la Amanda Bynes. Then I started getting scared because he was tweeting back at people who were calling him out on being a mental midget. I was nervous he was going to show up to my doorstep in a pizza delivery uniform and try to shoot me up with heroin.

The Carter family has had their fair share of tragedies, but they are largely a white-trash family from Florida who caught a break because Nick joined BSB. BSB is also so desperate that they are constantly trying to go on tour. On the other hand, NSYNC does not have to do that because they have COMMON sense and realize that their glory days are over. Except for JC, his performance at the VMA's and Lance's wedding was pathetic/sad.. you're never going to be Justin Timberlake, babe, so stop trying. 

Back to Aaron. He's supposedly dropping a new album soon so I would not be surprised if his people actually paid the interviewer to ask that question so he could be in the news again. Aaron, please go back to buying crack at the Kwik Stop & let us all listen to "Aaron's Party" in peace.

Is Blac Chyna Using Rob Kardashian to Get Back at Kylie/Tyga?

I've said it multiple times, but Rob Kardashian's well-being has been more of a concern for me than my own for quite.some.time. Rumors started surfacing recently that he was dating Blac Chyna. My original thought was that he was dating:

The O.G. Chyna. I was slightly confused, but was kinda happy because her physique/toughness could be what Bobby needs to get back in shape. After a little more research (putting Blac in front of Chyna), I realized that we were talking about this Nicki Minaj looking bitch:

And guess what? This chick is Tyga's BABY MAMA and from a few google pics good friends with Amber Rose (Kanye's ex, Whiz's baby mama, professional rapper's girlfriend). Ummm this screams Kardashian sabotage louder than Blac Chyna's fake orgasms. Blac Chyna and Kylie have been rumored to have feuded in the past over their common denominator Tyga. Which tbh, if I'm ever fighting over someone named Tyga who has face tats and looks like Timon from The Lion King, please please please shoot me. I don't think the Amber Rose thing is really a factor since wanna-be famous hoes usually stick together. 

Anyway, Blac Chyna posted a non-discrete photo of her fat head rapped around a very tattoo'd arm captioned "the beginning." The tats have been compared/found to be the same as Rob's. Kylie is allegedly LIVID and so am I. Rob is vulnerable and this bitch is stepping in when he's at his weakest to give him bomb head and make him think that he is loved. If Rob had read my post about how to get himself better in 2016 than he most likely would not be starting a relationship with someone who is ultimately going to break his poor little heart and spiral him into an even deeper depression/food pantry.

P.S. I'm confused as to how they got together since Rob literally never leaves his house? I'm ashamed of Khloe because I would think she would have strict rules about not letting ratchets into her house.

Making a Murder - Guilty or Nah?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've already heard about or watched Making a Murderer on Netflix. The 10-episode docu-series came out right around the holidays, so it gave people plenty of time to binge watch and obsess over the fascinating trials of Steven Avery and his nephew, Brendan Dassey.

Quick Recap:

Steven Avery is a man from Manitowoc County in Wisconsin. His family owns a salvage yard and were for the most part outsiders in their town. In 1985, Stevie-boy was wrongfully arrested and convicted of the rape of a woman. He had had a few run-ins with the law and was known as a bit pervy around his parts. DNA evidence exonerated him EIGHTEEN (18) years after his conviction. Since Steven spent such a large part of his life in prison, serving time for a crime he did not commit, he decided to file a civil suit and sue the fuck out of Manitowoc County and the individuals who contributed to his conviction. 

While his $36 milli suit was pending, a woman named Theresa Halbach went missing and was murdered. Interestingly enough, the last appointment that she had on October 31, 2005 was to take some photos of a vehicle on the Avery property. According to phone records, Steven had called her multiple times using *67 (shoutout prank calling) on the day she went missing. Theresa had also reportedly told one of her coworkers that he gave her the creeps and made her uncomfortable. During the search for Theresa, her Rav-4 was found deep in the Avery lot. This immediately raised suspicions. Additionally, her charred remains were found (much later) in a burn pit on the property. More than four months after her death, a key to her vehicle was found in Steven's trailer. One of Steven's nephews, Brendan Dassey, admitted to police after hours of questioning that he had helped Steven rape, murder, and burn the body of Theresa Halbach. These factors gave law enforcement enough to arrest Steven for Theresa's disappearance and murder. 

The majority of Brendan's statement to police was recorded and it is evident that Brendan is not the brightest bulb in the bunch. Brendan is also arrested and charged with Theresa's murder. Steven & Brendan are both convicted separately on the charges and sentenced to life in prison. 

Fishy evidence, the belief that Brendan was coerced into his statement, and Steven's lawsuit against the County and its officials contribute to a number of people thinking that Steven & Brendan were framed. Steven has maintained his innocence since his conviction and has been fighting to get his conviction appealed. 

Did he/they do it?: 

I honestly do not think that Brendan had anything to do with the murder of Theresa Halbach. I think he was a feeble-minded 16 year old who wanted to say anything that would get him out of the police station and back to school to present his 6th period project. Brendan's conversations with his mother and police are almost heartbreaking to watch, but they are more than entertaining. 

As for Steven Avery, I do not think that they had enough evidence to prove "beyond reasonable doubt." A lot of the evidence used in the trial seemed shady. BUT with that being said, I think Steven Avery did murder Theresa Halbach. Steven was most likely fucked up in the head from being in prison for so long. He had been hanging with rapists, murderers, and other hard criminals for so long, that I think he no longer knew right from wrong. On top of that, Steven's girlfriend at the time, Jodie, was in the middle of serving a 7-month sentence for a DUI conviction. Steven was probably horny, realized Theresa was way better looking than Jodie, and found the opportunity to get her into his trailer and do horrible things to her. Steven's past of jerking off on his cousin's car and having sex on his front lawn do not do him any favors. Also, the below note from Steven to his former wife while he was originally in jail show a dark side of Steven that he tries to hide by being so dumb.

Normal people do not write shit like that. Bottom line - I think Steven did it but that it was not proved beyond reasonable doubt. I don't think Brendan had anything to do with it because he changed his statement so many times. 

Take-aways: 

-Manitowoc is definitely not a place I would have wanted to grow up in or ever want to visit. It seems poor, depressing, and makes me feel grateful as hell that I grew up in the Northeast where we know how to form coherent sentences and have a general idea of what hygiene is.

-What the fuck kind of person does not own ANY underwear!? In Steven's first case, his lawyer states that the victim of the rape stated that her assailant had on white underwear. According to the lawyer, this is deemed impossible because Steven does not own any underwear. Oh, and they proved this. They searched his house and found no underwear whatsoever. I get preferring not to wear underwear, but not owning any is straight up psychopath behavior.

-Brendan has the IQ of a rock. Really, that's being generous - a rock may have a higher IQ. Some of my favorite lines from Brendan:

Police Officer: Do you have any weapons on you?

Brendan: I mean, just my CD player.

Brendan (to his mom): Ma, they're saying my statements is inconsistent.. What does in-kon-siss-tent mean?

Mom: Well, I don't know.

Brendan: Do you think I can get (back to school) by 1:29? I have a project due in 6th period.

Just a few to show Brendan's naivety when it comes to telling police he just helped rape/murder a woman.

-If Steven Avery can find love, why can't I? I do not understand people who date people serving time in prison. If Steven has a biddy, I want a bae.

-Mike Halbach is annoying. The "spokesperson" for the Halbach family does nothing but suck the media's dick and make statements that he can't back up.

-Allen Avery (Steven's dad) has the greenest thumb of anyone I've ever seen. In the last episode, he's showing off his garden. That motherfucker has lettuce, cucumbers, asparagus, and literally every other vegetable/green that you can think of. Teach me your ways, Mr. Avery. Not really, but make a YouTube tutorial on how to grow things because I actually don't want to go anywhere near you. 

There is so much more to take away from this series. 

Anyways, watch it, kinda laugh, kinda feel uncomfortable, kinda cry.

The Stages of Group Texts

Group texts are one of the best things and worst things to come out of smartphones. They're a great way to keep in touch, but if you're not in the mood for them you want to stop being friends with all of your friends. 

Thoughts:

Initial thought, ugh I'm so popular, people won't stop blowing me up, it's hard being me, etc.

But when you come back from a meeting and see a million messages you first think: did somebody die? fuck, what did i do? then you look down and see that it's all from the same group of people and are like:

Guyyyys I'm busy, please shut the fuck up. My boss already thinks I do nothing and now when he hears my phone buzzing every .2 seconds he's gonna KNOW that I do nothing. I don't have time for this and I don't care about anything that you're saying! Exclude me please!! In comes the life-saving somehow just added feature

So clutch when you want to take a nap and the group text won't stop. Then you wake up and try to catch up and are like

Helllppppp! I'm drowning & whenever I scroll up far/fast enough somebody replies and I get sent right back to the bottom. I'm finally ready to contribute. Guys? I'm ready to contribute please think I'm funny and read what I'm writing... GuyysSss???